Ok, the rumor that I am moving is now confirmed! Katie and I looked at apts yesterday, and what we found was that for the exact same rent as we pay now (and in some cases even less!) we can move into a 2 bedroom apt, perhaps even with our own separate bathrooms as well. So now the real question is which one? We have it narrowed down to three options so far, but who knows what else will come up. We actually only had about two hours to really look. We also realized that we've been living in the lap of luxury... our apt is so spacious and airy... and big... but it will be great to have our own rooms.
Now onto the other musings. I've been thinking lately about how I need to find my true worth in God's eyes alone. Sometimes I get in this mindset where I think that if i just had more friends, or closer friends, or (heaven forbid) a boyfriend, my self-esteem would go up. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one around here who bases a lot on other people's opinions, but it's not the way to live. I think I need to come to the realization that God really did make each one of us the way we are for a specific reason- not by random happenchance. Sometimes I struggle with the way God made me, and that's actually a sin if you think about it, because it's thinking badly about one of His creations. Please, please don't all respond and say "oh but lyd, you're great" because while it may be true : ) my esteem needs to come from a trust in my Creator, not from my buddies. Does this make sense to anyone else?
8 comments:
Hmm, you're right. You're not that great. But, I still love you. You are worth far more than you realize most of the time.
(sorry about posting exactly what you said not to, but hopefully it makes you feel like you don't need more friends or sp-you-know-what, because you already have enough!)
PS- I will add what I've been struggling with for I-only-know how long: God's timing (it hurts, I know...)
If you're at this realization then you're listening to God's voice which means you're growing. I'm proud of you...self-esteem issues and all.
Ps. 139 babe, I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
I apologize to anyone who may have thought that I was expressing disappointment in my wonderful group of friends! That most certainly was not my intent. I love all you guys like a second family! I'm just sayin, we all have our areas of discontent where we wish we could be better or smarter or prettier or stronger or funnier or whatever. (and no, that's not my list!)
My musing was simply that sometimes I dislike my personality and who I am turning out to be, and that it's not ok!
Another musing was that my attempt to find this self-worth I am seeking is to find it in my friends, and in their approval of me, instead of God's. As much as I love you all, it means much more in the grand scheme of things to be loved by God than to be the favorite of the group. Ya know?
"Could it be that my worth should depend upon the crinsom-stained grace on His hands? Like a lamp on a hill, Lord I pray it's your will to reveal all of you that I can."
- Jennifer
Jennifer Knapp, that is.
oh, but Lyd, you're great!
;)
you are great, but you are definitely on the right track for finding your worth in Christ. He loved you while you were still a sinner! cha-ching.
P.S. - are all of your apartment choices in mill creek? do tell.
Hey Lyd, I guess it has already been said a few times in prior comments, but I know exactly what you mean about finding those closer connections. I have had to realize on several occasions that with each disapointment or feeling of loneliness, God is forcing me closer to Him, the one true source of our value. Sometimes I realize that I create an entire rosy picture of the future, complete with a wonderful wife to love, a happy family, and God glorifying job. But I realize that I need to love God fully and completely as an individual too. I know God can definitely use friends and relationships to build us up, and I certainly pray that my wife will be a source of strength to me, but God also knows exactly what we need, and at what time. So for now, I guess it's time to wait. It's always about trust, isn't it?! How often I don't!
It sounds like you have the right mindset going Lyd, and you can count on my prayers. Hope the Apt. hunting goes well!
Love, Russ ;)
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